How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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