Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
