I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
