If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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