I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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