It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
