The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
