Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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