Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
