Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
