As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
