Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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