I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
