dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
