In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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