i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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