drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
