I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
