dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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