Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
