he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
