is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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