i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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