things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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