No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
