she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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