so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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