Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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