My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
