You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
