If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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