we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
