So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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