apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
