I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
