the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
