A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
