White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
