you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
