Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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