the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
