I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
