if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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