I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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