I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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