so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
