If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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