if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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