Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
