i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
