He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
