I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
