It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you would pick up someone in the library
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
